I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
