is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
