so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize