Porn is love you can see.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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