I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
