i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
