This girl is more easily done than said...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
