he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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