I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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