I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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