i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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