How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
