Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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