Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
