Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
