I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
