If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
