I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
