is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
