How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's blow job season.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
