still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
