Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
