I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
