my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
