I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
