If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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