So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
