hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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