You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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