how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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