I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
