idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
