The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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