i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
