now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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