I'm really into asian looking animals
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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