My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
