She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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