True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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