There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
