its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
