1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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