College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
