We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i drank out of a bidet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
