..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
