do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
