Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
