the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
