you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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