No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
