why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
