Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
