I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
