I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
