How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
