i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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