I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
