It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize