Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
