Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
