It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
