I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
