i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize