At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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