He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
