I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
