Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
