I love black thongs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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