I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
