I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
