It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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