I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
