I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
